Viewing entries tagged
letting go

Comment

With every ending, there's always a beginning.

Generally speaking, our culture is frightened of loss, one of the greatest of which is death. It is a subject that makes people squirm as they try to avoid discussing it. We have all sorts of euphemisms for it, we shield children from it and many of us struggle to cope with the idea of our own mortality.

In a Tarot reading, people come unglued when they see the Death card appear. They think it means they're going to die and once again, we see this aversion to the entire subject. But the Death card means change, transformation. It means death in a symbolic way, followed by rebirth.

And with rebirth comes a new beginning, a fresh start.

Physical death is like this, too, as we shed our bodies and return to the spirit realm. It is simply a transformation, but one that those people left in the earthly realm do not always accept easily.

Endings and beginnings...beginnings and endings...you cannot have one without the other. Too often, endings are not by our own choice, which can make the new beginning at least as difficult. Sometimes even though we need or want change, and we just wish this or that could happen, we're still hanging on to what we've got with a 'have your cake and eat it, too' attitude.

But too often, this is not how it works.  In order for those changes to occur, and for us to get the desired result, we must let go of what we've got now and make room for whatever comes next.

I used to be unbearably sentimental about 'stuff'. I had the most ridiculous keepsakes - ticket stubs, corks from wine shared on a special evening, bits of wrapping paper from special gifts, napkins, swizzle sticks, tiny plastic toys from boxes of popcorn, every card and letter I was ever given, and countless items so silly I can't even remember what they were.

And of course there were more 'normal' items to which I attached myself. Furnishings, ornaments, dishes - and like many people, there was 'my mug'. How many people are very possessive about a particular mug they use for their coffee or tea? Or about their favourite chair at the table, or where they sit in the sitting room? Sheldon's "spot" on the Big Bang Theory, or Archie Bunker's chair on All In The Family...

I used to be very connected to my 'stuff' and even more so to any of it that had even remotely sentimental value.

When I say 'stuff', I'm not just talking about material possessions either. I'm also talking about aspects of my life that were important to me. A relationship or friendship, an activity I loved, or some part of my life that I didn't think I could do without.

I kept focusing on the losses and was so immersed in grief I couldn't stand to be in my own skin.

With an ongoing theme of loss throughout my life, eventually I thought I ought to figure out what I could learn from it so it wouldn't feel so awful.

First, I realised that as long as I focused on the losses, I wouldn't see the many blessings that remained.

Secondly, I discovered that with loss (and all challenges) comes the opportunity for a huge perspective shift. It's a chance to look for the positives, to focus on the happy memories or relationships that are associated with whatever it is that is changing or gone.

And thirdly, there is the Buddhist view that all suffering comes from attachment, and I can certainly say that the less attached I am to any 'stuff', the happier I am because when the 'stuff' goes, without attachment it cannot hurt.

And there is another important point to remember. It's in not focusing on the letting go, the ending, or the completion. It's in focusing on the fresh start, the new beginning and what lies ahead.

Yes, it may be frightening to walk down a new and unfamiliar road, leaving behind everyone and everything familiar. But if that new road has been presented to you, there is a reason for it. You must let go of the old, the stale, the stagnant and finished, and embrace the new, the fresh, the expanding and beginning. Before long, you'll have walked through the endings and blended straight into the beginnings, living the Death card and experiencing rebirth and the magic of renewal. It's a chance to create something different, something better.

The Wheel of Life will always mean there are endings. But the good news is, you cannot have an ending without a beginning.

Sure, you can fear beginnings if you want to do that, but it's better to see them as exciting adventures. A positive attitude will go a long way to reducing the impact of any speed bumps or potholes on that new road so buckle up and don't look back; you already know where you've been.

Now let's see where you're going!

If this could help someone you know, please share using the buttons below!

Be notified of new blog posts by clicking here:

Comment

Comment

Happiness is not a destination; it is a choice.

sunflowers.jpg

I'm probably gonna take some flack for that title. I can well imagine people will be popping up with all kinds of objections, like how can they possibly be happy in this or that horrible situation or while surviving some tragedy or other.

I get that. I've lived that. I'm still living it because I have a pulse. All of us get nasty stuff lobbed at us if we're breathing. It is the nature of being alive on this planet; it is an inescapable fact of life.

I've got a life story that reads like a soap opera (more like several) - all your standard issue insanity, and pretty much everything you'd find on daytime TV, apart from having an evil twin appear out of nowhere (not yet anyway) or being cloned (I could use a few of those).

And although some people have had it much better than I, many have had it much worse.

But that is neither here nor there. This isn't a contest to see who's had a more traumatic life; we've all got our own pain to endure, and our own obstacles to overcome.

Within that pain and those obstacles lies the challenge to pursue happiness, whatever else is going on. That challenge is what stretches us, teaches us, allows us to expand, to grow, to find strength to get us through the darkest of times. And in doing so, we learn valuable lessons that we can pass along to others - an added bonus beyond our own progress and development.

Happiness is not something you find and keep; it is as elusive as the shroud of mist that hangs in front of the moon. It is not a destination; it is a choice you make every moment of every day. The pursuit of it is its own reward, for it is in travelling that road that we are open to finding happiness here and there, dotted like bright sunflowers peeking out from the brush and trees. The more of them you find, the more you will want to seek.

It doesn't matter what else is going on. No, it really doesn't! There is always, always, always room to step out of your 'stuff', your pain, your grief, your abject misery and find a bright sunflower. Even if you just take a peek, it is sweet relief for your soul when it is allowed to set its gaze on such beauty and rest a while.

Sometimes we're blessed to have an unexpected little 'sun shower' of happiness and how wonderful it is when that happens! But in between those lovely glittering drops that brighten our lives, it must be understood that the only way to find happiness is to discover it as if playing Hide and Seek. It will hide and you must seek, moment by moment, and in so doing, you will create the happy life that you desire.

 

Comment