Viewing entries tagged
self help

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Too Much on Your Plate? Stressed and Overwhelmed? This Will Help.

1 minute 26 second read

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They say "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Actually, the proper quote by Lao Tzu is that it "...begins beneath one's feet," which means something slightly different.

However, for my purposes here, they're similar enough to make my point, which is about facing a difficult -- or seemingly impossible challenge -- and wanting to give up before you start because it feels like it's just too much to manage.

It's easy to be in a place of feeling overwhelmed. All of us feel that way at times. It's like standing at the base of a mountain and staring up at its tallest peak, knowing you have to scale the damned thing and you don't even have a climbing rope.

You might feel like turning and running full speed in the opposite direction, just changing your mind or abandoning your responsibilities. But of course, sometimes neither of those options will work in the long term.

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So what do you do in the short term? How do you get past feeling completely overwhelmed and unable to cope with everything that you're facing?

Well, you do it one step at a time. You look at one small, manageable "something" that you can do right now, in this moment, or today, and you do that. Just take one step and begin the journey up that mountain. Don't look up. Don't look down. Just stay focused on where you need to put your foot next, and that's it.

The more steps you take, the easier they'll get, and eventually you'll feel ready to look up and see how much of that mountain is still ahead of you. It'll also give you a chance to notice how far you've come, which will spur you on and help you to continue to make progress.

Whatever your "mountain" is, every time you start to feel overwhelmed or as though you just can't cope with everything ahead of you, just remember that you don't have to do it all in one day. Focus on just one manageable step for now, and that's all you need to do. Then the next one, and the next one, and so on until you're feeling better.

Have you ever felt like this before? What did you do to start taking steps to move forward? Please share in the comments below. It could help someone else.

Is anxiety keeping you stuck? Get your FREE copy of my “7 Quick Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Get Unstuck” by clicking on either the photo or the button below!

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Two Quick and Easy Ways to Lift Yourself Out of a Funk

1 minute 47 second read

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Right now, you might be struggling with some sort of life challenge. Perhaps you've even got a few of them weighing you down. You're certainly in good company; heaven knows I've certainly been there and loads of others are in the same boat. 

You might even feel so low that you're having a tough time doing even the most essential things to take care of yourself. I know what that's like, too. Getting dressed or even brushing your teeth feels like climbing Everest. And forget about preparing healthful meals. You might feel like you've accomplished a monumental task by opening a tin of soup and throwing it in a pot.

There are lots of things you can do for yourself to shift out of this energy and begin to feel better. I don't want to overwhelm you with a long list so I'll keep it simple. Let's stick to just two.

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First, how you feel is always directly related to what you're thinking about. If you've got sad, heavy, depressing thoughts roaming through your mind all the time, it's no wonder you haven't got the energy to do anything more than breathe. Those thoughts are loaded with heavy, oppressive negative energy and they'll weigh you down just as surely as if you've got a boulder around your neck.

For example, if you're always thinking things like, "My life sucks and it's completely miserable," no wonder you feel awful. There's nowhere to go with that. It's like you're stuck in it and that's that.

So the first thing you've got to do is start adding some positive thoughts into the mix. Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative, add a positive, progressive statement, something that allows movement toward things being better.

Add something like, "but I'm ready for it to get better." Or even, "but I'm open to it being better every day." The more you do it, the quicker and easier it gets. There are few things you can control but one of them is your thoughts. It just takes a little practice.

The second thing you can do is find a way to help others. Whether it's someone you know, or if you offer to help as a volunteer somewhere, do something to brighten someone else's day. Leave an inexpensive grocery-store bouquet on the doorstep anonymously. Or ring the bell and say, "Hey, want to get out for a walk?" 

Charities are often looking for an extra pair of hands. Diving in and being of service in your community can give you a new perspective on your own troubles, and the positive energy you'll get from doing something to make a difference in the world will be well worth it.  

The more you can get out of your own "stuff" and help someone else, the better you'll feel. It's one of the quickest ways to lift your spirits and remind you of what's really important in life.

Please pop into the comments below and share your favourite way(s) to lift your spirits. You could really help someone else with your ideas.

Is anxiety keeping you stuck? Get your FREE copy of my “7 Quick Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Get Unstuck” by clicking on either the photo or the button below!

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Bothered by the Behaviour of Others? It Contains Precious Gifts...

1 minute 39 second read

It can be too easy for us to get ourselves bent out of shape about what the behaviours of others. They were rude, they were inconsiderate, they were thoughtless or selfish. We label them with our judgement.

No doubt there have been a lot of times you've heard yourself say (with great indignation), "How dare he do something like that?!"

And we allow ourselves to become upset by their words and actions, often while stewing over the offending behaviour.

It has been said that the things that irritate us about other people are behaviours or aspects of ourselves that we don't like. When I first heard this, I was very young and absolutely disagreed without thinking about it. But as I aged, I began to discover that although it wasn't always the case, there were definitely more occasions on which that was the truth than I wanted to admit.

The beauty in that, however, is that once I was willing to look at it, I could see the gift in it because it allowed me another layer of self-awareness. I could see that there were times I'd been upset with others for doing a version of something I had done, too.

The more I paid attention to my reactions to events that I found to be upsetting when I was on the receiving end, the more I was able to find room for improvement within myself.

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It is also true that not every occasion was about one of my own behaviours. In some cases, whatever it was that I found to be upsetting was a trigger, reminding me of a past incident, something that still stung. Often, there wasn't anything particularly rude or disrespectful in the behaviour; it was merely my interpretation because of my own issues.

The gift in this was in discovering wounds that had remained unhealed. This was especially helpful when I'd thought an issue had been resolved but apparently, there was another layer lurking and interfering with my life in some way.

Now, if I find myself feeling irritated by the behaviour of someone else, I ask myself why I feel that way. I take a good look to see if there are ways in which I am exhibiting the same behaviour. If I'm not, then I dig into why I feel triggered by the event.

At the end of the day, unless the behaviour of others impacts me directly (e.g. someone hits me or trashes my home), it's none of my business. I can choose not to react. I don't have to feel anything one way or another. Their behaviour is no reflection on me, unless I choose to make it about me. I can just observe and move on.



Is anxiety keeping you stuck? Get your FREE copy of my “7 Quick Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Get Unstuck” by clicking on the photo, or the button below!

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Are You Stuck on the "Toxic People" Merry-Go-Round?

1 minute 52 second read

There are those people in life who are struggling, lost, or challenged in a way that adversely impacts not only their own lives, but the lives of those around them. It might have been due to a messy childhood or other unhappy circumstances. Or perhaps too many things caved in on top of them all at once and they've gone off the rails for a while. Some people just seem to live there and we never really know how they got there.

We love these people even if we don’t like their behaviour. They might say and do some terrible things to us, to themselves, and to others. They might shock us with how much hurt they can inflict, or just how plain mean and spiteful they can be.

Sometimes they're simply misguided...lost and seeking answers, seeking help, rescue, love. They might not even know what it is they are seeking. Rather than taking action regarding the circumstances they don't like, they live in constant "reaction". They make choices that usually involve a lot of emotional response with little (if any) rational thought or helpful decision-making ability.

We see the hurt. We see their pain. We may or may not understand it but we recognise it. We see their self-destructive choices, their Egos that are desperately trying to protect themselves from further damage but really they're just causing more by hurting everyone around them.

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They say they want help and that they just want to be happy. We offer our support and our love. We suggest and coax and encourage. But they keep throwing themselves off one figurative bridge after another, disregarding all efforts to help them and refusing to help themselves. And worse, they take a lot of prisoners with them, hurling insults or accusations about how no one cares about them, no one loves them, or no one ever wants to help them.

Perhaps they fear change. Maybe it just feels too hard and overwhelming. Or maybe it's because they're just so used to living in a state of crisis and drama that they really don't know how to be any other way.

Whatever the reason, their refusal to help themselves wreaks havoc on the lives of everyone around them. We get yanked along on the horrifying roller coaster of too many crises and too much chaos to the point where it adversely impacts our health and our happiness until we say, "ENOUGH."

It is absolutely true that you cannot help those who do not want (or try) to help themselves. It's one thing to support and assist loved ones who are obviously doing their part to try to turn their lives around. Does that mean they won't slip now and then? Of course not. But as long as they keep doing their best, it makes sense to continue to support them.

As for the ones who just keep living in the midst of a nightmare and they want you to live there with them...as long as you choose to stay there, you're destroying your own life as much as they're destroying theirs.

Is anxiety making you feel stuck in life? Click on the button below for my FREE GUIDE - “7 Quick Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Get Unstuck!”

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"Pain Is Inevitable; Suffering Is Optional..." (Quote by Haruki Murakami)

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(1 minute, 52 second read)

The Buddha taught that suffering arises when we have attachments to things that we desire. Whether this is in material objects, relationships, or various pleasure in life, the issue is that everything is transient and ultimately, loss is inevitable. We cannot always have the "thing" we want to buy, the trip we want to take, the person who doesn't love us back or that "not-good-for-us-but-wonderful-something" that we wish we could eat, drink, ingest or do.

Buddhism also teaches us that the only constant is change. As long as we draw breath, nothing about our lives is fixed or permanent. When you desire something, you are attempting to control it or make it happen

This is going against the forces of the universe and is a recipe for anxiety, depression, frustration, disappointment and other unpleasant emotions when you are not able to have or achieve that which you desire. This is the cause of suffering.

It is virtually impossible to completely eliminate desire. You can desire water when you're thirsty or food when you're hungry. The conundrum is that when you try to stop desiring something, you're still desiring to stop desiring.

What is most important is to eliminate attachment and desire as much as possible. This is how to end suffering and find true freedom from all anxieties, worries, and troubles.

When I first heard this idea, I thought, "How are we not supposed to feel attached to our children or other loved ones?" It took a while for me to realise that we can love without attachment because they're like comparing apples and frogs. They're not at all the same. We can love our children (and others) for who and what they are without feeling attached to a desire for those relationships to be a certain way.

Sometimes it means letting go of people you love, even if it's your children or other family members. Staying attached to a relationship that isn't working will only bring distress and toxicity to your life.

 
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One significant game-changer in releasing attachment and suffering is in the stories we tell ourselves. A relationship breaks up and we say things like, "I'll never find someone so wonderful again." Or "I'll never be happy again." Or "I'll never get over this."

As long as you choose to think such negative thoughts, you're right, you'll never be happy or find that "someone wonderful." It is up to you to create positive thoughts and to focus on good possibilities and keep your vibration high so you can attract like-minded positive people and situations that will light up your life.

Let go of your negative thinking. Let go of the sad-sack stories. Focus on the good in your life and stop fretting about the past or worrying about the future, for neither exists. The only reality is this present moment, this one, right here, right now. You can choose to make it a happy, positive, blessed moment of gratitude in your life. Or you can suffer through it by dwelling on what's wrong, what you're lacking or will never have.

Do you struggle with Anxiety? Get your FREE copy of my “7 Quick Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Get Unstuck” by clicking on the photo, or the button below!

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When You Take that Leap of Faith, the Net Appears...

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1 minute 27 second read

There is nothing as paralysing as fear. Sometimes it hides behind the mask of indecision, or occasionally a worry about the wellbeing of someone else.

But at the end of the day, if you know you really want or need to move forward but something is holding you back, there's a good chance that somewhere under the excuses you're making is a big ol' pile of fear.

You might try to tell yourself that you won't/can't/shouldn't do it because you're protecting someone or they'd be happier if you didn't. You might say it's because you haven't a clue how to get where you want to go, or that you'd probably fail anyway so what's the point in trying.

But I'll bet if you dig a little deeper, you'll find a fear lurking there to stop you from expanding yourself and your life. And what is the point of this existence if it isn't expansion into something better?

I know what it feels like to take a swan dive off an enormous (figurative) cliff with jagged boulders all the way down the side and a raging river somewhere at the bottom. I know how it feels to be forced into that decision because there's something even more terrifying right behind me.

And I also know that it's true what they say...that when you take that leap of faith, the net appears.

How does that work? Well, once you've done it, once you've allowed yourself the freedom to expand, to try something new, or whatever "the thing" is, you will be open to incoming information that can help. You'll be more receptive to signs, people, open doors or whatever else is required for you to build that net and suddenly, the answers are right there in front of you.

As long as you stay stuck and refusing to move, to grow, to change, or to even try something new, the more stagnant you'll become. You'll always wonder "what if...?" You'll never know all the colours and magic that you could have created for the world to see.

You'll be destined to live a closed, small, grey life of regret and sameness. It might be safe, but it's not at all what you were meant to do.

Go on! Take that beautiful leap of faith. Believe in yourself and discover your purpose. The rest of us are waiting for you.



Do you struggle with Anxiety? Get your FREE copy of my “7 Quick Tips to Reduce Anxiety and Get Unstuck” by clicking on the photo, or the button below!

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