The Transformative Power of Forgiveness
Image by Andreas Riedelmeier from Pixabay
There’s something deeply powerful about forgiveness—not just the kind we offer others, but the kind we need to offer ourselves. The kind of forgiveness that doesn’t feel like letting someone off the hook, but rather, setting ourselves free from the chains of anger, regret, and bitterness.
I learned this the hard way, after a chapter in my life that shook me to my core. I discovered a couple of secrets my husband had been keeping, and the end result was that I lost everything. I met him after a couple of decades of struggles and single parenting and other challenges, and had managed to get a little house for myself and to build a life I loved. It got so much better when I married him; it was an idyllic, “dream come true” life that I couldn’t believe was mine.
Well, you know what they say about things being too good to be true…
I trusted this man completely. He was someone who seemed to have all the right words, all the right promises. Solid family, career, all that sort of thing. But, in one awful moment, I discovered that those promises were hollow, and the trust I’d placed in him had been misplaced.
I had trusted him with everything, including my finances, something that I had always kept close and protected. I believed his assurances, his seeming kindness. And then I learned two devastating secrets. I ended up being left with nothing—my home, my security, everything I’d ever worked for before meeting him and since—it was all gone.
That’s when the full scope of his betrayal became clear. I felt devastated, blindsided, and betrayed. The shock was crushing, and the anger that followed burned like fire.
For years, I stayed in that anger. I was furious at him for violating my trust, for breaking promises, and for leaving me in such a vulnerable position. But, as time passed, I began to realize something that shifted everything. The anger I carried, while justified, wasn’t helping me heal. It wasn’t changing what had happened. It wasn’t bringing me peace. And most importantly, it was weighing me down, holding me in a past I couldn’t change.
What took me even longer to understand was that I wasn’t just angry at him. I was furious at myself. I had trusted him blindly. I had ignored the warning signs, put my faith in someone who didn’t deserve it, and failed to protect myself in ways I should have. That anger at myself—so much harsher than anything I felt toward him—kept me stuck, buried in guilt and self-blame.
The more I held onto that anger, the more I realized how deeply it affected me. It seeped into my thoughts, my health, my relationships. I was clinging to the very thing that was keeping me from healing. I was allowing my anger and resentment to define my journey. That’s when I realized I was the one I needed to forgive.
I know that forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply isn’t easy. It can feel impossible, and for a long time, it was for me. But I also knew that holding onto that anger, keeping it close to my heart, was not going to bring me peace. It wasn’t going to undo the past. So, I started with small steps—softening my heart, allowing myself to feel the pain, and acknowledging the damage done, without letting it define me.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean excusing the behaviour or pretending the hurt didn’t happen. For me, it meant accepting that I couldn’t change what had been done to me, but I could change how I let it affect me moving forward. I could release myself from the prison of resentment and anger, and start rebuilding my life on my own terms.
I’m not saying I’m fully there yet. Forgiveness is a process, and I’m still working through it. But I’ve come to understand that forgiveness isn’t just about letting go of others—it’s about letting go of the past, of the weight that holds us down, and of the belief that we need to carry the burden of someone else’s actions. It’s about finding peace within ourselves, no matter how messy the road has been.
I also learned that, in the grand scheme of things, the universe has a way of balancing out injustices, and I don’t need to add to that karmic load. His actions, his choices—they’re his. I need to focus on my own healing, on creating a space for myself to thrive again, and not let my anger or resentment sabotage my own growth.
The Power of Self-Forgiveness
What I didn’t expect to find, as I began to forgive myself, was how freeing it was. It was like breathing fresh air after being suffocated for years. When I could look at myself without shame, without judgment, and without anger, I found a deep sense of relief. I realized that I was worthy of peace, of healing, and of moving forward.
Self-forgiveness isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a choice we have to make daily, sometimes even hourly. But each time we choose to forgive ourselves, we take back our power. We release the grip of the past and open ourselves up to the possibilities of the future.
Forgiveness as a Journey
Forgiveness isn’t linear, and it’s certainly not easy. It’s a journey. Some days it still pops up and bites me, and I make a concerted effort to let go of those thoughts and choose better ones. And other days, it feels like a weight has been lifted. But with every step, I’m learning that I can hold my pain without letting it define me. I can acknowledge the hurt without letting it consume me. And in doing so, I’m creating the space for healing—healing that comes from letting go, from embracing what is, and from remembering to love and forgive myself through it all.
If you’re walking your own path of forgiveness, remember that it’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to be angry, to feel hurt, and to grieve. But know that forgiveness is the key to freedom. It’s the key to reclaiming your peace, your joy, and your future.
The only way to truly be happy and to heal the wounds of the past is to let go and to move forward—not for anyone else’s sake, but for our own. 🌸