Today I Changed My Knickers All by Myself
I never thought it would be a major accomplishment to change my knickers. Oh, I’m sure it was a big deal when I was a toddler, but that was — well, um, it was a little while ago!
Six weeks ago, I had a nasty accident followed by surgery to repair damage to my right leg, including a broken kneecap. You can read about that little horror show here.
Ever since, I’ve been stuck in a nasty leg brace and I’ve got a long recovery ahead. Ew. Still got a pretty badly swollen and discoloured knee, even after all this time. 😳
Photo by author. The brace looks the same on both sides — thick, hard plastic, partly on the back of the leg, too — and Rubby McRubberson, a velcro strap that rubs across the top part of my incision (hence, the not-so-pretty gauze cover!)
Now…think about how you change your knickers/underwear. You probably stand on one foot while lifting the other and inserting it into the leg hole. Then you stand on the second foot, while stepping with the first into the other leg hole. And you pull them up. Easy peasy.
Ooo, lucky you!! You might even do the stepping-in bit sitting down! There you are, casually parked on the edge of your bed, legs bent 90 degrees or so. Without giving it any thought at all, you lift one foot and then the other, inserting each into your undergarment before standing and pulling them up.
Also easy peasy. Right?
Ahhh, I’d call you a show-off but that wouldn’t be fair. It’s not your fault you aren’t stuck in one of these dang leg braces or recovering from these particular injuries. I’m just a lovely deep shade of emerald green with envy.
Anyhoo…I’ve been chipping away at being able to take off and put on my knickers for myself for a few weeks now. I’m awfully grateful to my dear friend, Vicky, who has been helping me with all manner of things including food prep, hair-washing, laundry, and more…but good grief, there are just some things that a friend should never have to do for another. This would be one of those!
At least we figured out how to do it so I can keep my dignity intact. But I wanted to do it for myself!
The first time I went to do it, I had no idea it was about to become An Ordeal. It started out great. I stood with the walker and dropped my sweats (which required some fancy maneouvering over the chunks of plastic and the sticky velcro straps but they pretty much dropped by themselves from the knee down).
Splendiferous! That wasn’t too bad. Now for dropping my drawers.
Uh-oh.
Heck, that dang velcro ripped the &£*$ out of my delicates! Hmm. Now what??
Ah, guess I was gonna have to use both hands and a whole lot more of that fancy maneouvering over the sticky velcro…while trying not to lose my balance. But I needed to hold onto the walker — it only lets me bend so far forward anyway. How was I going to use both hands to guide that little bit of fabric over those big mean velcro straps that go all the way to the ankle??
Damn. That wasn’t gonna work. Couldn’t do it standing up. No way, no how.
Okay, had to sit back down (which was gonna mean having to stand up again. Not my favourite activity these days as it puts a major strain on my other knee, which screams, “Hey, you! Didja forget I’ve got osteoarthritis in here?” Um, no, I didn’t forget but I don’t have much choice.).
So I limit sits and stands. Gotta plan out all the “stuff I have to do” while standing to make it worth the misery.
I reached for my cane on the injured side, and the arm of the couch on the other and carefully eased myself to a seated position. Managed to bunch up my knickers and using both hands, guided them down over the leg brace…till I got to my ankle but couldn’t lift my foot to finish the job. Right. I’d have to hook my fingers under the velcro strap just below my knee and lift my leg slightly. With my left big toe, I was able to nudge my knickers out from under my right heel and pull them off my foot.
Yay! Success! I felt like a big kid!
Until…moments later when I had to put on another pair. 🤦🏻♀️
Suddenly, I could see the benefit in doing some kind of crazy stretches every day or being a yogi or a contortionist so I could have turned myself into a pretzel. But none of that applies to me and I’m just not terribly bendy. No Gumby impressions happening here, folks.
Sitting on the edge of the couch where I’m living/sleeping these days, my leg was outstretched in front of me — the knee perfectly straight in the brace, of course. I grabbed the pair of knickers I was going to put on and leaned forward, thinking (haha, more like foolishly believing) I could lean far enough forward to hook my toes into them and pull them up.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Not a chance. No way. Uh-uh.
Good job I tried this with Vicky here. Had to catch her in between whatever bits of busyness were keeping her occupied and have her put my knickers on to a point where I was able to reach — and then had to stand up again to finish the job.
Grabbing my cane and rocking back and forth a few times to get a little momentum and help my poor, overburdened left knee, I stood, trying not to groan like an old lady while exerting myself for this supposedly simple task.
Dang. I’d forgotten about the sweats. Sure, I could stand there with the walker and step with my right foot (the injured side) into the pant leg. But I couldn’t then stand on that foot while I put the left leg in.
Sigh. Had to grab the cane and sit down again and ask Vicky to help get my feet in. Then yet another misery having to stand — again — and pull up the whole works before I could sit down. Again. I needed a nap after all that. Or a few shots of whiskey. Or both.
Slow-forward a few weeks (well, I can promise you, there’s nothing fast about how my recovery is going…), with enough practice at stretching forward so I’m now actually able to put on my own socks (with major effort and finagling on the right one), today I put on my knickers all by myself. I was able to lean forward just that teeny bit extra so I could sort of launch my knickers over my toes (after several tries) and then slide my foot through the correct leg hole. A little assist with the velcro strap to lift my foot with one hand and pull my knickers past my heel with the other, and I was on my way!
I got them up to the tops of my thighs, then was able to repeat the process with my pants. Once I had everything on to the tops of my legs, I grabbed my cane, stood, and finished haulin’ up m’drawers and my pants!
Yippee! I deserve a medal! 🏅 A trophy! 🏆 It was a monumental achievement! Woohoo!! A teeny bit of independence again! Yay!
Now…if only I could stand for more than ten minutes without breaking a sweat and needing to sleep!
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