Change and the Fear of the Unknown
Image created by author in DALL-E
Ever Been Pushed Into a Fresh Start?
The past five years have been all about fresh starts for me, although most of them turned out to be more false starts than anything. Admittedly, one of these “fresh starts” was of my own choosing — the one where I left England and moved to Ontario to support my terminally ill friend through to the end of his life.
But the others have involved massively distressing and unexpected circumstances that left me with no choice but to start over in one way or another (or a few at once).
If you’re like most people, you’ll have experienced something like that, too. There are lots of ways we find ourselves having to begin anew, whether we choose it or not. And sometimes, that can be frightening.
What is it that makes us fear a fresh start? Why does the idea of a new beginning make us want to be like little Witchy and, as she says, run and hide under the bed? 💨🛏👀
Well, you can thank your humanness for that. You know, those leftover responses to the proverbial “cavemen being chased by a sabertooth tiger” situations? Yeah. Those. Generally, we like the familiar. The known. The predictable. Because we never know when that sabertooth tiger might suddenly leap out of a darkened doorway, and dang, if you left home without your giant club, uh-oh. 💩
This is why we’re hard-wired to fear change; it’s a built-in survival mechanism. It’s trying to keep us safe from those hidden teeth and claws that are lurking around every corner, hiding in cupboards, or waiting to pop out from behind something. Of course, some of us thrive on change, and sometimes we welcome it, especially if we’ve been feeling stuck and needing something to be different. But more often than not, when we’re pushed into changes we didn’t want or expect, it can send us into a tailspin.
So what do you do about it? How do you keep from coming unhinged when you’re faced with unexpected change?
There’s a lot you can do, and it starts with paying attention to your thoughts. Are you thinking “Oh, dear LORD!” kinds of thoughts about how scary and awful this is? Are you angry? Afraid of what might happen next? Feeling like you’ll never get over whatever you had to leave behind?
I don’t want to discount any of those feelings or whatever else might come up. It’s perfectly natural to be upset when your life suddenly takes you in a direction you didn’t particularly want. But that doesn’t have to derail you.
The key to coping with unexpected change is acceptance. In not complaining and wishing and praying that things could still be the way they were, when clearly, they can’t.
Change is not painful, but resisting it sure is.
You can cope with change by being willing to trust that whatever comes, you’ll figure it out. By having confidence in yourself to find the answers you need. By telling yourself — sometimes a hundred times a day — that you’re okay, that you’ll be all right, and that yes, you can do this.
Another trick to help you with those unexpected fresh starts is to find the blessings in them. Deliberately look for the good news, the nuggets of gold that pop up and allow you to see that maybe this isn’t so bad after all, and in fact, maybe it’ll be pretty darned good. They’re always there; you’ve just gotta be open to seeing them.
And the more of those you’re willing to see, the quicker you’ll start to settle into this new way of being. It doesn’t mean you won’t have feelings of grief or loss, or that you can just forget the past and instantly slide into a new life. I’m well aware that sometimes, that’s a lot easier said than done.
But as a general rule, when you can shift the way you’re looking at this new life that’s dropped itself into your lap and do your best to see the positives in it, it’ll go a lot more smoothly than if you cling to how much you don’t want it, or how much you hate it, and wish you could still be wherever you were before this happened.
Your perspective affects everything. It is largely responsible for how well or poorly you cope with whatever Life throws at you.
The best news is that it’s completely within your control. You get to choose. You might not always get to control what happens to you, but you can always choose how you respond to it.
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