Stop Doing This One Thing and See How It Improves Your Life

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It doesn’t have to take much to make a huge difference

“Time is what we want most but what we use worst.”

— William Penn

 
 

Recently, I’ve had occasion to contemplate my demise. It’s not a new or startling idea; I’ve been well aware of my mortality since I was a kid and my two best friends were killed in a car accident. (This was also the incident that lit up my abilities as a medium — a terrible way to find out I had a “gift” I didn’t want)

And I don’t know what they were putting in the water at my high school, but there were a lot of deaths in a couple of years. The first was when I was 16 and a quiet, sweet boy in my class was savagely murdered. He was viciously stabbed and had his throat slashed working the graveyard shift at a gas station.

There were several deaths from car or truck accidents. There were suicides. And just after graduation, two fun-loving young boys drowned together, getting caught in a deadly current.

I’d had too many brushes with death myself between the ages of 15 and 20 — with many more to follow.

So I get it. Like they say, no one’s getting out of here alive.

That’s why I love the sound of a ticking clock. I’ve loved it for as long as I can remember. I’ve got ticking clocks all over my home. There’s one beside me now as I’m parked on my bed with my laptop talking with you at 2.45 a.m. Tick, tick, tick…wish you could hear it. As steady as a strong heartbeat, quiet percussion backing the silence.

And what I especially love about it is that with every tick, I’m aware that I’m one second closer to my death.

Am I being morbid? Not at all.

Here’s the thing, and I want you to really, truly, hear this, and absorb it deeply into your entire Being and remember it always:

Life is short; time is precious.

Every night at bedtime, I’ve got to be okay with how I traded my time that day because if every tick of the clock reminds me that I’m drawing ever closer to death, my remaining time becomes that much more precious. That’s why I have enough ticking clocks in my home that I can hear that wonderful sound no matter where I am. It makes me appreciate my life more all the time.

And it reminds me to spend my time wisely.

Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah. Yeah, you’ve heard that a million times. But you see, it’s not just a collection of letters and syllables. It’s a statement that means more than you might imagine until it’s too late and you’re staring at the end of your life and wondering what the hell you’d been thinking with all the precious time you wasted.

Sure, you feel fine today and all is well. But will it still be the case tonight? Tomorrow? The next day? You can’t know what will happen 5 minutes from now. You might think you have a pretty good idea and chances are, you’re right. But you could be wrong. In fact, one day you will be wrong.

I have a friend who was out for Christmas dinner last year with his lifelong pal from school. They were both 69 years old that day, and over dinner they talked about how to celebrate their 70th birthdays in August. My friend sent me a pic of his pal smiling across the table from him with a plate full of turkey and all the trimmings.

By the next morning, he was found dead in his bed.

In this moment, you’re probably thinking, “Crikey! I’d better pay more attention to how I spend my time!” or some version of it, with this reminder of how suddenly life can be snatched away and we’re gone.

And by the end of this newsletterish, you’ll move on to the next story and this sobering moment will disappear. I’m guilty of doing this, too.

But although I forgot for a while, my ticking clocks have helped me remember. And having health issues adds a slap upside the head. Always a great reminder for how important Time is.

I can’t afford to forget anymore.

Aside from the rather general reminder about spending your time wisely, I wanted to share one particularly helpful way in which you can do that. And it’ll also be life-changing for your health and happiness.

It’s in setting clear boundaries about letting people “vent” or “dump” their miseries on you.

This is one place where I’ve moved my boundaries way too often. I’m not saying you should never let people talk about their troubles; we all need to confide in someone now and then.

I’m talking about when there is no purpose to it — other than them spewing it at you and “feeling better” for it while you feel worse. I’m talking about you become the toxic dumping ground for them to go on and on at length about a situation they can’t or won’t change, and the only thing that’ll make it better is to change their attitude or leave the situation.

It’s like listening to people spend countless hours telling you how miserable their relationships are, but they never leave. They just want to tell you the same old miseries over and over again. Man, I wish I had a buck for every hour I’ve listened to those people.

Whether it’s about relationships or any other misery, guess what?

You do not have to listen to the same old negative stories and griping if there’s no purpose to it.

I’ve been guilty of having others acknowledge that they’re “dumping” on me and I sit there feeling like it’s okay because they need someone to talk to and I’m a good listener. Sure, I’ll validate your feelings for you, no problem!

And then I wonder why I feel sick and exhausted and have headaches. Duh. It’s because I was immersed in their negative, toxic energy. If they couldn’t change the situation, and hours of talking about it wouldn’t serve any useful purpose, why was I allowing myself to listen to that awfulness over and over again?

Good question.

(And I’ve come up with some answers but they aren’t relevant for this li’l story. Suffice it to say I ain’t never goin’ down that road again.)

As I’ve been considering my current health situation, which has got me thinking about how I spend my time, I’ve had a huge “Aha!” moment about how I should have handled those negative experiences. Whenever those people said, “I know I’m dumping on you,” or “I need to vent,” I shouldn’t have said, “It’s fine, you need to talk about it.”

I should have said, “Dump it/Vent in your journal.” I should have said, “Get rid of the emotion and frustration by writing about it or beating on your mattress or screaming into your pillow. And then let’s have a constructive conversation about what the specific issues are and what you can do about them or how you can change yourself to cope with them. If it won’t be useful or constructive, there’s nothing to discuss.”

I should never have allowed myself to be a receptacle for endless hours of pointless negativity, no matter how bad I felt for those people and their situations. That’s not what I’m on the planet to do or be for others.

And neither are you.

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As a Spiritual Arts Mentor and Master Teacher, I will guide you in discovering who you are, why you’re here, and how to follow that path.

 
Liberty Forrest